To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog 7piecebucket], from anywhere else use http://personals.dallasobserver.com/blog/7piecebucket,
and to read it remotely use the feed.
inside a large doctor's examination room... in the right back corner of the room is an examination table... to the right of the examination table is what appears to be a small tray with magazines on it... above the tray is some sort of computer monitor suspended from the wall... to the left of the examination table, dominating the back of the stage, is a large console with a keyboard, and monitor, and many switches and dials and blinking lights
Tom and 7piece stand in the foreground, facing each other, talking to each other...
Tom: So, today we are going to be looking at the inside of your penis. Specifically, we are going to be looking at the blood flow inside the penis, to make sure that everything is OK.
7piece: OK...
educational part of program begins
Tom: Normal flow has two arteries coming in from the pelvic region and getting routed along either side of the penis. These two arteries have branches going out to the skin and in to the urethra, but during an erection, much of this blood flow gets diverted to spongy tissue inside the penis. In the meantime, a large vein used for drainage, called the dorsal vein, gets clamped shut. The spongy tissue fills with blood and expands, causing an erection. What we are going to be looking for are problems with the arteries, such as plaque buildup, which can be an early warning sign of heart disease. We are also going to be looking for diversions or leaks in the dorsal vein, which can also cause problems.
7piece: Wow!
end of educationally redeeming portion of show
Tom: In order to get a better look at that, we are going to have get an erection out of you. Now, if it were up to me and every other guy who comes through these doors, we would get our nurse Pam to do the ultrasound on you, but that is prohibited by state law, so you are stuck with me.
7piece:
Tom: I know it, I know it. On the other hand, to help get you started, we do have a stash of porn on hand, over on that stand over there.
Tom: However, we are leaving nothing up to chance, so we are also going to be inducing an involuntary erection out of you. To do that, we are going to inject a chemical directly into your penis using this syringe. [picks up syringe filled with a liquid from the table]
7piece: You mean like an epoxy resin?
Tom:[rolling eyes] No, 7piece. Not that kind of stiff. It just stimulates the blood flow and relaxes the arterial walls. Now, do you have any questions before we get started?
7piece: Do we get souvenirs?
long pause...
Tom: That is... not what most men ask. Most men want to know if it hurts.
7piece: Oh.
longer pause, as Tom and 7piece stand, facing each other
several bored people sitting in waiting room, flipping through magazines... clock on wall reads 12:57... 7piecebucket bursts into room, out of breath... walks over to receptionist
7piece: I am here for my 1 o'clock appointment with Dr. Wood!
receptionist: Ah, yes. I see. And you would be... [flips through papers and squints] ... Mr. 7inchbucket? It says here that you are to have a "procedure" at 1 pm, followed by the actual doctor's appointment at 2. Please have a seat.
7piece: Thank you. [takes seat and starts reading magazine... after a while, 7piece crosses one leg, then squirms a bit... then he crosses the other leg and squirms some more... finally...]
7piece: Stupid 46 ounce Sprite! [as he gets up and goes to bathroom]
a few seconds later, a man dressed in scrubs ("Tom") comes out of a door beside the receptionist
Tom:[calling out] 7piecebucket! [pause] 7piecebucket! It is time for your "procedure". 7piecebucket!
receptionist: I could have sworn I saw him a minute ago.
Tom: 7piecebucket!
7piecebucket walks out of restroom, unsuspecting
receptionist: Oh, there he is! I knew I saw him around here.
everyone in waiting room looks up from magazine and turns to look at 7piece coming out of bathroom
Tom: 7piecebucket? It is time for your "procedure".
7piece: Uunnngghhhhhhh... [adjusting pants]
Tom: It never fails, does it? Come on back this way.
7piece follows Tom through door into hallway
Tom: My name is Tom, and I will be doing the ultrasound on you today. Have you ever had one of these done on you before? [extends hand to shake 7piece's hand]
7piece: Uhhhh, no, I haven't. [shakes Tom's hand]
Tom: Say, that is a really good grip you have got there! What do you do for a living?
7piece: I work with computers.
Tom: Really? That is unusual. Your grip is really strong. It is like a mechanic's grip!
7piece: I have practice.
Tom: Well, then! Step inside this room, and we will get you started.
I was thinking, since Index_Queen and I are the only two people left on the face of the planet who are not on Facespook, let's bring FB to FC!
OK, step 1: Join the official "let's bring 7piece to FB!" club. I am shooting for at least 100 fans, hopefully some of which are not my Mom making fake profiles.
Step 2: I will message you from London, telling you about how all my luggage has been stolen and I am totally freaking out and please o' please could you send a whole bunch of money to a man in Brixton so I can get my drawers back?
Step 3: Play silly games and take silly quizzes! Today's silly quiz is...
Which TV Sitcom Character R U???????
^ Holy crap, that pink looks like it is out of Myeyesorespace.
Since this is my first quiz, I am too lazy to write any other questions besides that one. Sorry, maybe I will try harder next time. Until then, get to it, everyone! Have fun!!!!
So the other day, I was cruising these here blogs, and some female poster made reference to her scrotum. "Well, that's odd," I thought, "I didn't know women had scrotums. I thought that was just a guy thing." So I did what any normal guy with a thrist for knowledge does. I went out on the internet to look for female scrotums.
(the female poster shall remain nameless, mainly because I do not remember who it was)
While I was "gathering information", I came upon a Wikipedia article about scrotums. Ahhh, perfect. It turns out that the scrotum is indeed a male thing, but the female homologue is the labia majoris. Well, that makes sense.
Then I came upon something disturbing: All of the pictures they had of scrotums had no hair. In fact, there is actually a picture with a caption that reads, "An unshaved human scrotum. Note that it is not completely haired but only part of it."
I thought about it. "Is that right? That's not right. That can't be right." I looked down, just to make sure.
Nope, it's not right.
Could it be? Could Wikipedia possibly be wrong? I mean, I know I have the manly Mediterranean makeup, but am I off the charts here? Normally I would turn to DharmaPath about these things, but since he is not around much these days, I will leave it up to you.
What do you think?
1.my hairy balls (147 up, 41 down) they are my balls, and they are hairy i have really hairy balls, and they are mine, those hairy balls are mine, i love my hairey balls, oh god what a gift to have such hairy balls when so many paople don't have hairy balls --(Urban Dictionary)
2. "At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it." --(Dr. Evil in family counseling, first Austin Powers movie)
3. The guy who wrote the Wikipedia article is a high school gym teacher.
4. You should correct the Wikipedia article yourself, 7piece, with a picture to prove it!
June 8, and time for another birthday. This time it is Violet915!!!!
Happy Birthday to you, Violet. Thank you for letting us look in on your life, and sharing photos that are about as big as your bathroom.
Everyone gather round and break the piñata, or play "pin the tail on the donkey", or "spin the bottle", or whatever you people do for birthdays, because we are having one today!!!
You must be the change you want to see in the world. --Mohandas K. Gandhi ( 1869-1948 )
A couple of years ago, I recounted my experiences at a lemonade stand in omg CUTE!. Being on the blogs since then has made me a couple of years wiser. With that in mind, sit back and relax, as I recount my experience from today.........
Driving through a neighborhood around lunchtime. Drive past two cute kids at a front yard lemonade stand. A sign with drink prices written on it. One girl, one boy, early-to-mid elementary school age. The two children smile and wave frantically.
Screeeech! *put car in reverse, get out of car*
girl: Hey, mister. Would you like to buy something?
me: OK, what have you got?
girl: Sprite is 50 cents, lemonade is 25 cents, and frozen popsicles are free.
me: Sprite? Ohhhh, that's not good. Sprite is made by the Coca-Cola Company, an evil multinational corporation. They are leaders in the abuse of workers’ rights, assassinations, water privatization, and worker discrimination throughout the world. So no, I will not buy Sprite.
boy: (looks at me with puzzled look on his face, but continues smiling)
girl: What about the frozen popsicles?
me: You are giving those away for free? No, I cannot buy those either, even though I am technically not buying them. By giving the frozen water popsicles away for free, you are creating a distorted economy and contributing to the careless use of water around the world. Lakes and aquifers around the world are drying up because of wasteful water usage. Salinity is increasing, fish are dying, and wars are breaking out over water rights. The Aral Sea in Khazakstan and Uzbekistan has largely dried up. Why? Because they wanted to grow wheat and cotton in the desert. And POPSICLES!
boy: (starts to look scared)
girl: What about...?
me: The lemonade? (snarls) OK, fine. I will have the lemonade. It is probably the least offensive choice, and I always like to support the local business.
girl: OK, one lemonade coming right up!
boy: (relaxes) Let me get the cups. (rummages around behind table)
me: You do realize, of course, that the sugar industry is highly subsidized in the United States. And are those fair trade lemons you are using, or are they made by exploiting Mexican migrant farm workers?
boy: OK, here's the cups! (pulls out a stack of plastic cups)
me: You are using plastic cups?! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE???!!!! Don't you realize that....
At this point, I launched into an informative diatribe about how plastic cups were bad for the environment, and how they should have given me something reduceable/reusable/renewable, like cups made from locally produced woven hemp fiber. By the time I was through, the girl was giving me a really mean look through squinty eyes, and the boy was in tears. But that's OK. They and the Earth will thank me later. As I drove off, I could have sworn the girl stuck her tongue out at me.
As I drove back to the office, I had a few sips of the tainted lemonade. I did have to admit, it tasted really good. The lemonade was made with the love of children. If we could put that love together with sustainable practices, imagine what a wonderful place the world could be.
After I got to the office, I put the cup down on my desk and went to go help a coworker. When I got back 15 minutes later, the cup was half empty, and the cup sat in a large pink puddle. The puddle soaked through several papers.
What the...? I lifted the cup. At the bottom of the cup, I found a small hole.
I went over to my cousin’s house in Arizona. They have this huge volcano in the backyard. We took a whole bunch of bugs and pulled all their legs off. The bugs were screaming, “Jimmy! Jimmy! No!!!!!” We laughed at them. Then we threw them into the volcano. It was cool.
THE END
Jimmy, that was horrible! How could you do such a thing? And there are no volcanoes in Arizona! You get an F.
Thanks for playing!* If there is anyone I left out, please let me know. I now pass the baton to mplsboy72, who gives us the new 100 words- word-is in the text-somewhere.
I remember when I was a kid, they opened up this new pizza place down at the mall called “Pipe Organ Pizza”. There was some guy, dressed in a dinner jacket, playing this huge, elaborate pipe organ, while we got to eat pepperoni pizza. The organ came from some long since closed theater. This little kid looked at the organ and organist with awe, in a Willy Wonka sort of way, as the ultra low frequency notes made his stomach feel queasy.
That place has been gone for over a quarter century. The organ, vanished, a mere figment of time.
To link to this blog from blog posts/comments, use [blog 7piecebucket], from anywhere else use http://personals.dallasobserver.com/blog/7piecebucket,
and to read it remotely use the feed.
