11/6/2009 9:57 pm
Last Read:
11/9/2009 6:39 pm
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Mr PoP (Paradox), in his comment to my post What I Really Want to Do, suggested that I change my profile to reflect (I assume that's what he suggested) what I really want - to meet a millionaire with whom I will fall in love (and it will be reciprocated) and live in Hawaii, writing or doing something else, or not doing anything at all - just being there... And it has made me wonder: do we really say what we really want in our profiles? I haven't edited mine in years, but I think I say something there about not knowing exactly what I want, but I'll know it when I see it (him, that is). Or, maybe this is how it can be construed. No, one should be specific, so that people know whether they are a match, or not. But I saw so many profiles of men who described specifically the kind of woman they wanted, and I fit many of those descriptions, yet they haven't contacted me yet! Hahaha. Funny creatures we are. We think we know what we want, or we think we don't, or we do, but don't say it.
And now I wonder what I should say in my profile in order for the right man to *recognize* me. Because I do say that there should be that instant recognition.
Do you say what you really want in your profile, and in general? Is it difficult for you to express at times?
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5449 posts 11/7/2009 1:17 am |
Ay, ay, ay, ay........
Gypsy, I'd kiss your arse all day long,just out of respect for your beautiful soul
Remember, you are wise......
The Slug
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609 posts 11/7/2009 5:16 am |
Well, I've been honing my profile as of late. I now advertise myself as "lesbian friendly." You may ask, what the heck does that mean? I think I'm just open to a lot of non-conventional possibilities. I wouldn't be restricted by a woman's sexuality in order to love her or have a relationship with her. Sex doesn't necessarily have to be part of the relationship either.. Hope you find Mr. Pineapple, Gypsy (a Hawaiian reference)..
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 8:07 am |
Slug, you are making me blush again
I wish I were wise. Nothing of the sort.
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 8:10 am |
Paradox, I understand your wanting to broaden your opportunities and show your open-mindedness, but the question is, in the ideal case scenario, what would you really-really want? Do you know that? And, if you do, is it easy for your to say it in your profile?
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15128 posts 11/7/2009 8:29 am |
I think I do
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609 posts 11/7/2009 9:07 am |
Oh, Gypsy! You're pressuring me! Tell ya what- I'll have my profile overhauled tonight with what I truly want. I'm gonna dig deep and try to arrive at some clarity.
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 9:11 am |
Cuddles, you always do
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1015 posts 11/7/2009 11:48 am |
There were libraries erected to define/clarify (burned down to erase) this very human need to express what one needs, or what one wants or what one desires (in a relationship, or connection be it with [wo]men, god, animals, aliens, spirits or ghosts). Valiant attempts in volumes and unseen archives aged and aging, musty with scent of mold mellowing between pages and yet...
How and where would I begin in this FC venue? A list of what I had wanted or want now or tomorrow? Hm...
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609 posts 11/7/2009 1:00 pm |
To the best of my ability I redid my "what I'm looking for" section of profile. It's kind of a difficult exercise. But it's done "for now."
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 3:12 pm |
Paradox, me pressuring you? hahah!!!
I'll check out your profile Oh, I guess everything is for now.
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 3:15 pm |
Paradox, I like what you've written there, at least you are honest about your intentions, yet give hope that it all might change with time.
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609 posts 11/7/2009 3:33 pm |
Yes, my dear Gypsy! Even Plague must be hopeful!
Look! I used an emoticon! Yes, there is hope! Even for Mr. Paradox!
Woo hoo!
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609 posts 11/7/2009 3:39 pm |
Addendum: If I had a million dollars that I didn't need, I'd send you and Slug to Hawaii. Can you imagine the interesting blog posts that would follow?
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 6:38 pm |
Oy vey, Paradox, I can only imagine!!! And it's very generous of you
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608 posts 11/7/2009 6:45 pm |
This is ticklish dear Gypsy Woman. Because my profile puts out who I want to be as well as who I am. I try to be honest, but I don't emphasize that I can get insecure and jealous. Should I? I mean, it seems like there's a TMI limit at work in this world of dating sites.
What do I really want? I want someone who will know exactly what to say to me to make me feel loved, appreciated, and gorgeous, someone who will know exactly when I want to receive a bouquet of flowers (and will deliver), someone who will give me exactly what I want for Christmas. In short -- I want ME -- just in another person's body. But, of course, I don't want THAT, and I don't really know what I want. And I begin to think that this is a strange way to get together with people. It's like arranged marriages -- which are not strange. What's strange is that we don't admit that making these matches is like making an arranged marriage.
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 8:34 pm |
Mags, you are the first person in the US of A who uses the word "ticklish" in this context, the way I would use it
Of course we don't put our "issues" in profiles, we all have them. We put there what we want, to the extent we know, or think we do. And even then, we don't, because we are afraid that people will either thing they don't measure up, or they thing we're too picky, or they'll assume something else, solely on the basis of what we put there - which may not even be true! So, you are right, I agree, this is a strange way to meet people. Also, I think some arranged marriages work better (and I don't mean the circumstances when they are forced or motivated by money), because the parties arranging it actually know the two people they want to bring together. Here, we can't know anyone by their profile, and they can't really know us.
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15521 posts 11/7/2009 8:37 pm |
ebbs, I can't argue with this, "There were libraries erected to define/clarify (burned down to erase) this very human need to express what one needs, or what one wants or what one desires (in a relationship, or connection be it with [wo]men, god, animals, aliens, spirits or ghosts)." And now we are attempting the impossible, and the consequences are different for everyone...
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193 posts 11/8/2009 3:04 pm |
Gypsy, I have the same feeling as you. I see a profile and I think, "that is exactly me" and then I write to them and they never write me back! I think that out of the 6-8 guys that I have contacted, only one has written me back. One wrote to tell me he is didn't think we're a match, and the others never wrote anything back at all.
And then there was the guy who rated me a "4" on okcupid, but then I wrote to him and he hasn't written me back.
{Shrugs}
Who knows why men do anything! It is a complete mystery to me.
Recently I did something different. I put excerpts from a short story called "Love in the Cab Sharing way" in my "what I'm looking for" section. And I said that I was looking for cab sharing love. I get some strange emails from folks. Lots don't really get it, and the ones that do are interesting.
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15521 posts 11/8/2009 5:47 pm |
belldandy, what a fascinating testimony! At your age, let alone all your obvious merits, you should be getting responses from every guy you contact. My theory is that a lot of people here are not interested in a serious relationship, and the other lot is not exactly free to date
OK Cupid, ha - I have a funny story about that one, too. One guy wrote me first, sang literal odes to my profile there, wrote with great passion (a wonderful writer), left me his phone number...and when I called, no one answered, I left a voice mail...no response.
What you did with your profile now sounds very interesting. Maybe I should try something like this, too. I guess something from D.H. Lawrence won't work - too many doubts and ambiguity
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455 posts 11/9/2009 9:48 am |
it feels as though which site one uses says a lot about
what one really wants...but then, i never ever figured
you for someone who wants to be taken off to HI and
'taken care of' so i have missed the mark on you by
a long ways...i dunno though...the first time i went
to HI in the 1977 it was a lot of fun...the whole
placed was significantly degraded by the time i went
back in 2007 - water shortage, housing shortage,
homeless living on the beach, you name it...
peace be upon you darlin one
"Liberty lives in hearts and minds ..once it dies there no laws, no government, can save it" L Hand
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15521 posts 11/9/2009 11:01 am |
G-Angel, you couldn't have possibly "missed the mark" on me, because I evade all the marks, and the definitions and assumptions that come with them I didn't say I wanted to be "taken care of." I want a reciprocal relationship without having to worry about being the only breadwinner (which I have been for the most part of my life). And I love Hawaii, no matter what they say about how it all went downhill.
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15521 posts 11/9/2009 11:04 am |
GA, also: sites one uses say only a part of what one wants, if anything; I've always blogged here, primarily, and I say so even in the very beginning of my blogging phase here. Will have to find the post. It should be fairly apparent that many people have been on this site for several years, which speaks volumes of the dating quality of this site - it's not designed for dating primarily, in my view, and, also, the more sophisticated people are, the more discriminating they become, and the more complex it is to find them a match With some exceptions, of course.
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2874 posts 11/9/2009 3:44 pm |
I hint at it. If I were even more honest, I would probably go with "I want a romance like Jessica Stein, from the movie Kissing Jessica Stein (2002), but with an ending where they stay together." But then, how many women would bother to rent the movie to see what I was talking about? Like Belldandy, however, I think that a picture is worth a thousand words, and a moving picture is 24 pictures per second.
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15521 posts 11/9/2009 6:39 pm |
Gatos, you are funny as ever. I haven't seen that movie. You are our walking movie encyclopedia. I am the opposite of that.
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